No One Knew
by RogueDarkness
Summary: PG-13 just to be safe. Fem-slash, f/f. Anti-Xavier. Post DoR, but not like the usual post-DoR story. Kitty thinks about what has happened. Can't tell you more then that so read and see for yourself.


Disclaimer: Not mine...that's really all that needs to be said  
  
Warnings: Fem-slash and some anti-Xavier (It didn't start out like that but somewhere along the way it kinda went away from me. Oh well).  
  
Author's Note: Not really what I could call my best work, just something I wrote at two in the morning last night (Or this morning, whatever). But I liked it and thought I'd post it. Had to edit the crap out of it and it took entirely too long to upload but...I'm determined. So here it is. Hope you like. Would love to know what you think. The stars separate the present (Kitty's thoughts, sorta) from the flashbacks (sorta). You'll have to read it and see for yourself.  
  
No One Knew-  
  
Kitty still couldn't believe it had happened. It was just so strange, so wrong. It wasn't like it had happened all at once, or like she hadn't had control over what was happening. It had just happened. Right under her nose. She could remember everything. Every little detail about the events that had led to her current predicament. But she still couldn't really believe it. It just didn't seem real. Like it was all a dream. After all, how could this be real? How could this have happened? It just too hard to believe. Something this big couldn't just happen. Not like it had. Not without her realizing it. And no one had known! No one had had a clue. It was just so perfect, too perfect. Perfect, that is, until everyone had found out. Until her, no their, little secret had been discovered.  
  
It had started a while ago. After the whole sentinel thing. No. It had started before that. It had really started the night after their fight with the sentinel. It was almost midnight before they were allowed to sleep. But no one could. They were all exhausted, both physically and mentally, but the trauma of that day was still too fresh on their minds, too raw. Some tried to sleep. Others just lay with their eyes closed, pretending. Kitty hadn't felt like sleeping, or even pretending. So she just found a quiet, secluded, or at least as secluded as one could get in that place, corner and thought about what had just happened.  
  
*****  
  
Jean walked slowly, trying as best she could to be quiet for those who had actually managed to get to sleep. She hadn't been able to sleep. No matter how hard she tried to forget, to not think about that horror of that day, every time she closed her eyes she saw it. Saw every thing. She saw the sentinel, she saw Magneto and his henchmen, she saw her friends being taken away and her home in ruins. She saw Scott beaten and bruised and she saw the sadistic little grin on Mystique's face when they had all realized exactly what had happened. No, sleep would not come to her that night. So she had decided to make rounds instead. To walk around and make sure everyone was all right. She wasn't sure what she would do if they weren't but it was better then laying on the ground pretending to sleep and reliving every second of the previous day.  
  
A soft noise caught Jean's attention. She listened carefully and followed the sound to a small dark corner in the very back of the room. Jean gasped. Kitty was curled up in the corner, crying softly into her knees. Once the initial shock of seeing Kitty, alone and crying, wore off Jean rushed to Kitty's side and wrapped her arms around the younger girl. Kitty just buried her head in Jean's shoulder and sobbed harder.  
  
"Oh God, Kitty, what's the matter?!" Jean cried, hot tears stinging the back of her own eyes. She knew it was the stupidest thing she could have possibly said. She knew very well what was the matter. But what was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do?  
  
"I-I should have grabbed her. Why didn't I grab her? She was right there. All I had to do was reach out and grab her! She was right there!!" Kitty cried, her words coming out jumbled and incoherent. "What do you mean, Kitty? Who-what are you talking about?" Jean asked, trying to keep her voice calm and steady. And pretty much failing miserably. Kitty looked her dead in the eyes, her eyes wide and watery, fat tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.  
  
"I should have grabbed her. She was right there. All I had to do was reach in and phase her out. That was all. But I-I didn't and now they have her. What if they're hurting her?! What if- Oh, God. Who knows what they're doing to her in there?! It's all my fault, Jean! It's my fault they have her! I should have grabbed her. She was right there!" Kitty cried, nearing hysterics. Suddenly it all made sense. Jean knew exactly what Kitty meant. Rogue. Jean had seen what had happened. The sentinel had trapped both Kitty and Rogue in that weird green goo. Kitty had phased herself through but Rogue had been trapped. The truth was Kitty HAD been right there. And she COULD have gotten Rogue out and to safety. But so much had been going on, it had been so chaotic. It was no wonder that Kitty hadn't thought to go after Rogue at the time. She had been scared, panicked.  
  
"Oh, Kitty." Jean pulled the smaller girl into her arms. "It's not your fault. You were scared. We all were. None of us knew how to handle a situation like that. You did the best you could. None of us would have been able to do any better." Jean said trying to comfort the girl. But deep down she wasn't sure she believed her own words. There must have been more they could have done. More she could have done.  
  
"But I didn't help her. I didn't help her and now she's with them. What if they're hurting her, Jean?!" Kitty sobbed. Jean choked back a sob of her own and bit back her own tears. She couldn't stand this. She couldn't stand to see Kitty like this. It hurt too much. It was just too much. Silent tears began spilling from her eyes.  
  
"Shh, I know. I know." She whispered, her voice harsh with chocked back sobs.  
  
*****  
  
When Rogue had come back to them, Kitty had been ecstatic. She was so relived that Rogue was back and all right. But she wasn't all right. She had come back different, wrong, hurt.  
  
*****  
  
It was late, the silent hush of night hung in the air. It had been hours since lights out and everyone was sleeping. Almost everyone. Kitty stirred slightly in her sleep. Moaning ever so softly she woke and sat up in bed. It took her a moment to realize that the room wasn't silent. She glanced across the room and was shocked at what she saw. Rogue was sitting up in bed, arms wrapped tightly around her legs, sobbing softly into her knees. Kitty had had to wake Rogue from nightmares in the past. Had even seen her cry on a few occasions. But never like this. Never with such pain, such pure desperation and sadness. She just stared at her for a moment before climbing out of bed and moving to her side. Rogue flinched when she felt Kitty's small hand on her shoulder but slowly eased into her touch. Kitty wrapped her arm around Rogue's shoulders and slid onto the bed next to Rogue. Rogue didn't protest. She merely moved over a little to give Kitty room. The bed was small, but there was still room enough for both of them. Kitty wrapped both her arms around Rogue and held her close, gently rubbing her back and whispering soft soothing words into her ear. Rogue tried to force herself to stop crying, tried to pull herself together, but there was just something about Kitty's touch. She was so warm, so soft and gentle. Rogue found herself not wanting to fight any more. Found herself wanting to just drown in Kitty's tender embrace. She leaned into her and let Kitty support her. And she cried.  
  
After exhaustion had finally overcome Rogue, Kitty sat on Rogue's bed holding her sleeping form. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. There had been a few times in the past where Rogue had fallen asleep in her arms but this felt different somehow. She knew this was when she was supposed to go to bed. She knew she was supposed to lay Rogue down, cover her up, and go to bed. To her OWN bed. But she just couldn't bring herself to do it. It just felt so nice where she was. Rogue felt warm and safe against her. And it felt good holding her. She didn't want to let Rogue go. She wanted to stay there and hold her, protect her. Kitty knew she should leave but she didn't.  
  
*****  
  
Kitty still didn't know what possessed her to do what she had done. She still couldn't figure out how she managed to justify it to herself. But she had done it anyway. Instead of going back to her own bed like she knew she was supposed to she had shifted Rogue in her arms and wriggled down until she was laying on Rogue's bed. She nestled Rogue up close to her, held her tight in her arms and went to sleep where she was, in Rogue's bed.  
  
The next morning Kitty wasn't sure who woke who, but they had managed to wake together.  
  
*****  
  
Rogue woke slowly, feeling groggy and sick from crying herself to sleep. Her body also felt a little weird, like she had slept funny. She pushed her self into a sitting position and rubbed her eyes. When she opened her eyes, and the world came into focus, she was a little shocked by what she saw. Kitty was laying beneath her.  
  
"Huh?" Rogue moaned rubbing her face. She couldn't really remember what had happened the night before. Kitty groaned and pulled her self into a sitting position. Upon seeing Rogue sitting next to her, she quickly remembered how she had come to be in this peculiar position.  
  
"Hey." She said softly, her cheeks flushing read.  
  
"Hey." Rogue replied. She was still a little confused but the more she thought about it the more things became clear. Kitty opened her mouth to explain, and possibly beg Rogue's forgiveness, but Rogue never gave her the chance to speak. Rogue groaned loudly and stretched out her arms.  
  
"Wha time is it." She muttered, somewhat incoherently. She roughly snatched up the clock from the night stand and held it close to her face so she could read the glowing red numbers. After a moment of studying the clock Rogue set it back down on the night stand and climbed out of bed, heading for the bathroom. Kitty had been a little hurt at first. But then she was just relived. Rogue didn't mind, wasn't mad, and, judging by the look on her face when she had woken up, she seemed to have appreciated what Kitty had done. Smiling she climbed out of Rogue's bed and got dressed as if nothing had happened.  
  
*****  
  
Things had started to get out of hand after that. It started innocently enough. Every once in a while Kitty would wake up to Rogue crying. She would go to her, hold her, and spend the night in her bed. It was completely innocent. After all, what was the point of going over to her own bed anyway? She didn't want to wake Rogue up, and at least she would be there if Rogue had another nightmare after she fell asleep. That's what she had told herself at least. But then it started happening more and more often. And Kitty had started to find herself in Rogue's bed even if Rogue hadn't been crying. And then one night things had gone a little further. Rogue had come to her.  
  
*****  
  
It was dark and quiet. Rogue woke with a start, shooting up in bed. She felt scared and alone, the after effects of a nightmare she couldn't remember. She glanced over at Kitty's bed to find her sleeping peacefully. Rogue hadn't woken her. At first she was relived. She didn't want to wake Kitty every night. She felt bad about waking her in the past. But as she sat there, cold and alone in her bed, she stared to feel empty, hollow. She wanted Kitty. No, she needed her. Before Rogue could stop herself, she was climbing out of bed and padding over to Kitty's. She gently lifted Kitty's sheets and slipped into bed next to her, trying not to wake her.  
  
Kitty woke with a start, shocked to find someone climbing into bed with her. But she quickly calmed when she realized it was Rogue. She moved over to give Rogue more room and rolled over so she was facing her. Rogue snuggled up close to her, burying her face in Kitty's chest, and Kitty wrapped her arms around her. Within moments they were both asleep.  
  
*****  
  
After that it became a nightly thing with them. Somehow each night they would find themselves in each other's arms. They never talked about it. In the mornings they would wake up in each other's arms, sometimes greet each other, and then go on with the day as if nothing had happened. Sometimes the words just weren't necessary. Other times they just didn't want to talk about it. But whatever the reason they never talked about what was happening between them. It had almost become an unspoken rule. That's when things had started to change. At first they were little things, like Kitty had started to wear long sleeves and pants to bed. Or she had started to make her bed with an extra sheet so she could wrap Rogue in it, just to be safe. Then there had less subtle changes. Like Kitty would some times lay awake at night and just watch Rogue sleep. Or sometimes she would wake up to find herself in Rogue's arms, Rogue gently stroking her hair and gazing down at her or looking out the window. But everything had happened so gradually, so subtly, that Kitty had never really noticed. Never noticed how far things had gotten. She hadn't realized that what they were doing had got too far, never realized how wrong it was. Not until it was too late. Far too late.  
  
Kitty couldn't remember how it happened exactly. She remembered everything else so clearly but that she just couldn't remember. She didn't know how it started, or who had made the first move. But one night they had found them selves kissing. It had been soft at first, almost timid. Light, tender kisses, gentle hands and a soft embrace. It became more passionate after that, their kisses long and deep. They hadn't done anything, not really. They had just kissed, and held each other, enjoyed the feeling of their bodies pressed together. And then they had fallen into a blissful sleep in each other arms. It had been wonderful. The most wonderful thing Kitty had ever experienced. But it had been wrong. Kitty knew that now.  
  
They had kept on like that for a while, finding their way into each other's arms at night and sharing stolen kisses in each other's beds. They still didn't talk about it. Only now it was because they didn't need to. The words weren't necessary. And during the day it was as if nothing had ever happened. But at night it was different. The night belonged to them. And no one knew! Everyone was so blissfully oblivious to their little secret. So clueless to what was really going on between them. Deep down Kitty had known they should stop, that what they were doing wasn't right, but why should they? They were getting away with it weren't they?! Why stop when no one knew, when their little secret was just that? A secret between them.  
  
But they hadn't been able to keep there little secret forever. Eventually they were found out. Ororo had been making rounds, checking each room to make sure all the children, because that's what they were, children, were all right and in bed. When she had come to Rogue and Kitty's room and peeked inside she discovered Rogue and Kitty in bed together. SHE hadn't seen anything wrong with what they were doing but she informed Professor Xavier of her discovery anyway.  
  
*****  
  
Rogue and Kitty sat in Professor Xavier's office, patiently waiting for him to tell them why they were there.  
  
"Girls, I asked you here to inform you that I know your secret. I'm well aware of what you have been doing at night." Both the girls' heads shot up at his statement. Kitty blushed furiously and glanced down nervously at her hands. Rogue gritted her teeth and cast her eyes to the side, unable to meet the Professor's or Kitty's eyes.  
  
"I just want to say that I am very disappointed in both of you."  
  
*****  
  
The professor was right. What they had been doing was wrong. Very wrong. He had been right to split them up. He had been right to forbid them from seeing each other outside of school or training. He had been right. They were the ones who had been wrong. Wrong for loving each other. Wrong for being with one another. They were wrong. The Professor was right. But if the Professor was right, then what did Kitty feel so horrible. Why was it that her heart ached so very much? Why was it that she cried at night without Rogue there? Why did she feel so hollow inside? Why did she miss Rogue so much that it hurt? It didn't matter. It was wrong. Those feelings were wrong, just like the Professor said they were. He was right. It was wrong of her to love Rogue the way she did. The professor said so. And he was right.  
  
-fin 


End file.
